-3-
2nd May 2012
Dear Diary,
How am I feeling a little better these past few days. Maybe what has happen before had nothing to do with me or my life, but…
Yeah, I guess I’m doing alright.
With J and Mana always there with me, I believe I can still move on with my own world.
Though somehow….
The strangest thing is, I…
Urghh!! How can I even explain this.
I keep on telling everyone that I’m doing fine, but I…
lied…
Oh my Lord. How can I even explain everything that’s going on in my heart with a ll of the confusion? Distraction? Or not even believing what is the real, actual thing that was going on?
I just lost two of the nicest girl I’ve ever known, and now, I can’t even think about anything else apart of that.
….
And maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about that other thing that kept on bothering my mind.
Why am I even living in all these false fraction of truth?
Why am I denying everything that has been upside down in my head?
I know I can’t lie anymore…
I can’t…
Miyuki breath out a long sigh, putting the pen down on her book, she close it, and pushing it aside, leaving the question she kept on asking, she turned to the side and look at the clock on her wall.
It was almost one in the morning and she still hasn’t managed to kill the time by going to sleep, as she stood up from her study table and walked towards the balcony of her room.
She opens the window as the breeze from the outside world at the quietest night blew in. Perhaps almost all the creatures had fallen to their deepest dream, when she just shivers a little from the cold air. She looked at the dark, just solemn forest behind her room, with the sound of the midnight melody rhymes without tempo, she took a deep breath.
“Beautiful night,” she whispers, looking at street light that isn’t really as bright as usually was, she turned her sight towards the moonlight that was shining brighter than ever as if there was a special occasion.
She had a small laugh,
now, what occasion am I thinking about anyway?
She smiled all alone, as she had a short sigh, thinking about what was playing in her heart,
“Sunohara Sho,” she whispers that name, thinking when she saw him again, yesterday.
She closed her eyes shut for a short time, remembering back once again of his gorgeous smile and a perfect figure with a pleasant appearance.
He was only wearing a plain black t-shirt and navy blue jeans. Though how simple he was then, she clenches her jaws together, gripping her fist tight, she kept on asking herself why she can't get him off her mind? Why does her heart felt in tremendous heart mystification?? Why is she even thinking like this? Shouldn't she just be doing what she always was?
An outgoing person, with no reason to even be depress over nothing this ridiculous?
She opened her eyes again,
"Stop it, Yuki," she told herself, with a little smile, she turns around and walked back inside the room, but as she closed her bedroom door, something purred a little aggressively on the earth ground outside of her house, staring directly at the exact direction she was standing a moment ago.
He walked towards the side, “Yuki,” he grunted in his heart, how his heart was in an uncertain melody, he moved forward ahead;
The creature looked at her beautiful wooden base, two tone colored, double story house, he moves on his four paws, he climbs up on the entrance, crawling itself up the blissfully bloomed Sakura tree, the creature sat calmly in front of her bedroom window.
He blinks his eyes for a few times, using its paws to touch his white stripe fur, neatly clean coated white fur, he closed his eyes for a bit,
though somehow, he changed within a second, he leaned against the tree,
Sunohara Sho looked at the beautiful young lady who was in her deep sleep, how he wish he was next to her,
How he wish he can make her his,
he took a deep breath, “I’ll promise you,” he whispers,
“I’ll make you to keep you safe in my arms,” he said, touching the branch of the tree, gazing the view in front of his eyes, he looked at her even though from a distance but felt like he was holding her close right by his side.
Sho nodded his head, hiding himself behind the shadow, of the cold white fog, he closed his eyes as he change to the white tiger he was before and jumps off the tree, walking away from the house, he disappear within second time passed by.
**
It was around four fifteen in the evening, when the sun was beginning to sink down the horizon Miyuki's Economy class finished first before Manami and Jun since they were in a different caurses, she walked towards the cafeteria at the further side of the U, after she took all of her assignment with her, she feels like being on her own for some times.
"And Takizawa couldn't make it to the last class," she mumbled feeling a little disapointed that she couldn't be in the Technology class today, but somehow, she do feel delighted as well since she's on her own, she smiled to herself.
She put her sling bag down, unzipping it and took out the novel that she still haven't finished reading, but somehow, she looked to the person who walked passed by her table holding a glass of hot mocha in her hand.
She took a deep breath,
“Maybe I need one too,” she said, with a little smile, she walked towards the order counter.
**
“Stop it, Kei,” he said, looking at her standing in front of his eyes, avoiding the gaze that she was trying to give, he looked away, deceiving any attempt to even get closer to her, but she hold his hand,
“Give me another chance, J,” she said, he looked at her sharply, “Don’t dream of calling me that again,” he told her, feeling just aggravated thinking of what had happen between the two of them in the previous time, he gripped his fist and turned around.
Perhaps everyone said that their relationship was an eternal affair, but why only one incident ruined the love he ever had for her in his heart?
Maybe it’s true that love might take feeling to the next level of an emotions, but if fates don’t bring two hearts together, what other things can be done? Even how long you’ve been together, even how long he had been beside her, anything can be torn even if it’s only in a flick of time.
He took a deep breath,
“Jun,” she leaned closed behind his back, he felt that he was still cage in his own pathway of life, he knew that he got to escape from everything. from anything.
“I really love you, Jun,” she whispers to him, somehow he can’t really hear it, but he was sure that was it.
His breath stop at mid-stepped of inhaling the fresh air in his surrounding, the hair behind his back rose up until it’s end, feeling her arms wrapped around him close, how is it possible for me to even stopped her from anything. He knows she won’t even bother listening. She sure wants to have what she said she wanted.
He tried to pushed her away, but she don’t want to let him go,
“Kei,” he tries to speak, but how was it even possible when their lips were sealed against each other.
His heart stopped in a single flash, feeling like he was floating in the thin air, his thoughts went light headed, when she turned him around, pressing her lips against his, his eyes opened wide.
What am I doing? What is this feeling? I…
He only stood there straight,
clueless with what was happening, he still felt her lips,
how sweet the scent was, her fragerance that he always love her wearing, how can he lied to himself, he moves his hands a little,
I seriously don’t…
He closed his eyes shut, shielding it from the reality, he gripped his fist once again,
I don’t love her anymore…
She don’t own my heart like she used too…
I know I don’t love her,
he took a deep breath, grabbing both side of her arms and pushed her behind,
“I don’t love you, Keiko,” he told her, pushing her aside, he grabbed his bag and walked right passed by her.
“JUN!!” he heard her calling for his name, he closed his eyes,
Don’t find me anymore, Keiko, he told himself,
Maybe everyone said that she was perfect, with her appearance, shoulder length hair, beautiful body curve, gorgeous smile.
She always find her way to matched up everything in her life. She have a great future ahead of her life, but how he wishes that she would find someone better than him.
Their relationship together for almost eight years might had blossom to a beautiful blooming Sakura, but how can he ever accepted if he caught her being with someone else with his own judgment?
What was the use of him in her life if he can’t give her what she needed apart from money?
Even though it wasn’t his mistake in everything, he still takes all the blame.
He closed his eyes,
**
She had a small laugh, “You love to play around with me, Jun,” she told the man who was standing beside her, quite taller, wearing a brown short sleeved t-shirt, and a dark blue jeans, she smiled to him, “You love doing that,” she said, pushing his shoulder with her small palm a little, he gave her the most charming smile ever,
“Really?” he asked her, when she had a small giggled, “Yeah,” she replied, he hold her hand, feeling the coldness of it runs trough his palm, he squeeze it a little, giving her a little warmth, he felt her pinching his nose a little, “And you don’t like it?” he asked her, when she just smiled, kneeling up, and kissed his lips,
“No,” she smiled, “I never said that,” she told him, when he pulled her closer to him, sitting down on the bench behind them, he messed her hair a little, “I know that,” he said, when she pushed him a little, “Jun!” she grumbled, but he just smiled to her,
“What?” he asked her, she just gave him a smile, “You know how much I love you, Jun,” Keiko said, with a smile on her face, as he held her close in his arms, he kissed her cheek, appreciating every minutes, each second he was with her, he caress her back gently, “I love you too, Kei,” he told her.
She turned to face his beautiful, ingenuous eyes, she touched his gentle skin with her cold fingers when he holds it, giving it a gentle kiss, he looked at her deep in her eyes,
“Thank you for being with me, Keiko,” he told her, when she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave her a quick kiss on his lips, making his heart eager to own her more, but he respect her life choices, to make it special after a marriage.
Their marriage perhaps, he took a deep breath and kept his wishes deep inside his heart, he was hoping that it was hers as well.
She kissed his lips once again,
“No, Jun,” she caress his cheek, feeling his pulse started to increased in a sudden effect, she knows that the love he had gave her would never, ever fades away from sight on her life, she caress her cheek against his, cherishing every moment they had with each other, she smiled to him so dearly, “Thank you for being here with me,” she told him, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and kissed her lips,
“I forever love you, Kei,” he confess his heart whispers, when she felt tears started to crumpled, hidden away behind her eyes, he wipes away a little of it that has fallen down, “I love you too,” she told him, when he pulled her closer in his arms, “Promise me that you’d be here for me, for eternal life,” she told him, he nodded his head, kissing her forehead, cherish the moment that was going on at that time, he prays it will last forever.
“I promise you,” he replied, when she wrapped her arms around him, leaning close down his shoulder, smiling with tears running down her eyes.
**
He gripped his fist, and took a deep breath,
What’s with all those lies. Why would I still remember her anyway, he grumped all alone in his heart, he wiped his sweats on his forehead, and walked straight towards the cafeteria,
“Don’t think of her, J,” he said, trying to give a smile alone, he thought about someone else that he really care for,
“I don’t need her in my life,” he nodded his head,
“I know I don’t need her anymore,” he said, “I don…” he walked towards the entrance but he felt a sudden blood rush ran down his spine when he saw something before he could even finished what he wanted to say,
he opened his eyes wide,
“Him,” he whispered his name slowly, hiding from being seen, he looked at what was happening.
**
She smiled to him, looking at the outside world for a moment, she felt her heart started to beat faster than its regular time. Her pulse somehow increased without even being aware of what was happening right there.
"Yeah," he replied to her, with the most dazzling smile on his face, she was sure that if she was there on her own, she might faint all of a sudden.
She looked aside, trying to avoid his eyes that was shining against the sunlight outside, she took a deep breath,
Oh come on, Yuki. He's just a human. Nothing more than that... Why am I feeling so scared like he's going to bite me and suck my blood until i die anyway?
She keep on telling herself,
"I'm sure that you're tired from the whole day in the University already," he told her when she just nodded her head, "Yeah., I guess you're right," she said, though she was facing him, she looked at something behind him instead of his eyes.
Suddenly he leaned closer to her.
She was startled. Standing just a few distance away from his face, she felt his breath touched her bare skin gently, she tried to moved away, but how can it even possible when on the other side of herself, she wishes that she would just hold him close in her arms, and make him hers.
What am I thinking?
She felt her pulse beats harder,
What is he going to do to me??
Her thought paused for sometimes, she jsut looked at him,
Don't tell me he's' going too...
She bit her lips.
No, no, no. I'm not thinking straight. I'm not thinking straight!!
She asked herself, blinking her eyes for a few times, she felt her heart started to feel not comfortable, it was just ruffled.
His breath was just closer to her face, their lips was only a distance away, she felt like lifting her hands up to stop him from doing anything further, but she felt two of his fingers touched her blushing red cheek.
She looked at him,
"There's something underneath your eye," he said, showing something that he took a moment ago, she sighed out a relief sigh.
It was just the confetti’s that they used for the stage play in her drama class just now, she had a small laugh,
"It must have been the drama class just now," she told him, when he just smiled to her, "Oh, You're in the drama class?" he asked her, she just nodded her head,
"Yeah," she replied, when he smiled to her, as she returned it back, she was a little disconcerted with her own reality, she felt as if she was floating with her own fantasy, how she wishes she don't let it off her shoulder, how she wanted to carry it forever.
He looked at her, "So, I'll see you tomorrow?" he told her, "Yeah," she replied, one answer but clear enough she wasn't herself at that moment, he smiled to himself,
I know you feel what I'm feeling too, Yuki,
he told himself, he offers her a handshake,
"Take care," he told her, when she smiled to him again,
She took his offers and shakes his hand for a moment, "I'll see you tomorrow then, Sunohara," she said, when he had a small laugh, she raised her eyebrow, "What?" she asked wondered if she had made fun of herself, when he touched the end of her nose,
"Just call me Sho," he told her.
She took a deep breath, "Sho," she said his name again when he smield to her,
"Bye," he said, as he made his leave from her sight.
She lifted her hands up, "Bye," waving to him, as he walked away from her sight. She closed her eyes, she hold the semi cold Mocha in her hand and walked towards her table. She sat down and took a deepest breath,
"How did that even happen," she said, remembering back that small incident between she and him, but her voice was so slow, even the people at her side can't even hear what she said. As if like it has gotten mute, she touched the stained on her pink t-shirt.
Maybe this is fate? She asked herself, she closed her eyes and remembered back what really happened.
**
She smiled to the cashier behind the counter, “Thank you so much,” taking her changes and hold the mocha in her hand. She took a sip of it before she walked away from there, but after a few distance steps she had, she stopped for a moment and felt that she had left something behind, she turns around, and saw her notes and books left at the side of the counter table,
Oh, dang! How did I even forget about that!
She grumbled to herself, she put the drinks at the table she was standing aside, putting her purse back inside her hand bag, she took her drinks once again and rushed towards the counter, worrying if she ever left that behind, how was she even going to finish the assignment that she have to hand over to Mr. Nakamura tomorrow.
She stopped at the counter, gasping for some air, when the lady behind there smiled to her, “I did called you for a few times, but you didn’t hear me,” she told her, when Miyuki nodded her head, “Yeah,” she took a deep breath, “I am really sorry,” she told her, when that lady pushed the book closer to her because it seemed like Miyuki couldn’t even move any steps further anymore, she put her hand on the books,
“Thank you so much,” she told her, she nodded her head, responding to what she had told her, “It’s alright,” she replied. Miyuki had a small laugh, “I guess I was so drove away by this mocha I even forger about anything else,” she told her when she smiled, “I can see that,” she told her when a customer walked to the counter to make an order, she looked at Miyuki, “You got to excuse me,” she told her, Miyuki nodded her head, “Alright,” she replied, when she grabbed all of those books and notes she left a while ago, she hold it closer to her, she took the mocha right after that, “I’d kill myself if I have to do everything again,” she grumbled all by herself in a very soft tone.
She turns around but without looking what was in front of her eyes, she took a step but accidently ran against someone who was standing in front of her, and her drink spilled out a little bit, falling down on his seemed-new black with a little red striped Converse sneakers, she felt her heart had fallen down on the ground, she fell silent, drowns in her own blunder confusion, she turned her gaze towards him, but somehow, made her worse,
Oh my Lord, she felt her heart stopped beating for a moment, wasn’t even sure if she was still breathing, she tries to take a few second before she actually wakes up, she closed her eyes for a moment, feeling her cheek suddenly burns hot, she turns her gaze towards the side,
“I’m really sorry,” she told him, “It’s alright,” he replied withd a small laugh, he took out his handkerchief, handing it to her, “Your blouse,” he pointed when she looked at herself,
That will stain for sure! Looking at the mocha that fell a little on her pink blouse, she looked at him, “It’s okay,” she told him, feeling that she wasn’t even standing straight anymore, he hold her hand and put it on her hand, “Take it,” he told her, with a little smile across her face, she really was in her own flurry perplexity state of affairs, she nodded her head, “Thank you,” she told him, taking the soft blue handkerchief, wiping off the splash on her blouse, she tries so hard to give him a little smile, but she did manage to gave him one, somehow she hope it wasn’t that bad, she looked at him,
“I’m really sorry about your sneakers,” she told him, when he gave her the most charming smile ever, “Nah, don’t bother with that,” he told her.
She looked at him standing there in front of her eyes,
He’s such a nice guy, she thought, holding the handkerchief in her hand, she looked at it for a few second,
“I promise I’ll return it back to you once I’ve washed it,” she said, he only shakes his head, “Don’t rush,” he said, “Take your time,” he told her, she just nodded her head, looking at him there, it seemed like there’s a charming prince from heaven above waiting for her arrival, but who was she kidding. Who is she anyway with this guy? She’s just a normal stranger to his eyes. Besides how can the most gorgeous guy in the University ever think of being with her anyway?
She had a small laugh in her heart,
What am I thinking here, Yuki,
“I’m Sunohara Sho,” he introduced himself to her, when she turned her gaze towards him once again, getting back to the reality, she was a little puzzled, but after sometimes, she manage to smile,
“Oh, Hi Sunohara,” she greet him, “I’m Miyuki Takeda,” she replies, when he smiled to her once again,
“I know,” he told her.
**
She covers her face with both of her palm,
HOW COULD HE KNOW ME?!
She asked herself, unbelieving what has happened, she took a deep breath when suddenly her thoughts got into his imagine that she saw just now. His attraction that draws her attention, the emphasis that made her heart twitch, in an uneven tempo, excited but somehow recoiling with her own sentiment, she placed down her right hand flat on the table, smacking the notes by accident, she grasps her fingers tightly,
Sunoha....
"Yuki!" someone touched behind her back before she could even finished her sentence, she opened her eyes wide and looked towards the side.
She blinks her eyes for a few times as if she only saw two shadows in front of her eyes, she see nothing else by her surrounding but she knows that it was a busy time of the day, people should be everywhere there.
She rubs her eyes for a few times,
"What?" she replied, opening her eyes once again and saw two of her best friends, Manami and Jun sitting down by her side at the square coffee table at the cafeteria,
Jun raised his eyebrow's up, "What's with her?" he asked Manami, looking at her who was drinking her fresh Strawberry juice, covering himself up with some foolish questions, Manami lifed her shoulders up and gave him a smile, "She might be tired with her assignment," she told him, but he wiggle his point finger for a few times, refusing to believe what she had told him, he leaned so close to her, as he took a deep breath,
"I don't think so," he said, sniffing her scent when Miyuki looked at him, pushing him to the side a little bit, "What do you mean?" she asked him, he put his fingers on his chin, trying to think like he always does, he looked around seriously,
taking a deep breath before he try to even speak, two of them looked at him, understanding his natural quaint behaviour, they opened their eyes wide to hear his final conclusion with everything,
"What is it?" Manami asked him, but he just took a deep breath, he raised his head up slowly,
"She," he said the first word, making Miyuki felt sigltly unconfortable, afraid if whatever that happened was known too soon even before she was ready to tell, she felt seats started to dripped down her forehead in a calmly mid cold temperature, he looked at her sharply,
closing his eyes, he let out a long breath before he looked at them once again,
"Smelled like," he said, but still didn't finished his sentence, somehow made Miyuki a little discomfort, he took a deep breath before he finished what he wanted to tell them.
I hope he don't know anything!!
Miyuki grumbled on her own, Jun noticed that her face reaction changed within second time changes, he smiled alone in his heart,
Don't worry. I don't kiss and tell, he whispered to himself, when he gave them the most malicious smile he could ever give, he closed one side of his eyes,
"Mocha," he finally finished his sentence.
Miyuki stood up straight, when Manami had her biggest laugh, but she looked at him, "What?" she asked him, Jun only drank his Coke,
"I told you," he said, putting down that can, he gave them a smile, "She smells like Mocha," he grinned.
Miyuki closed her eyes, relief with what he just said, she tries to control herself, avoiding from being obviously noticed, she let out a sigh,
"And I thought you wanted to say you caught her making out with some strangers just now," manami said, when she looked at her, "Are you kidding me?" she asked her, but Manami only laughed, patting her shoulder, she gave her a smile, "Don't worry, baby," she told her, "I know you can hold it back in your own desire," she finished her line.
Miyuki smiled to both of them, feeling calm in her own placid universe, she joined in their laughter as their conversation continues,
though silently, Jun still wondered what really had happened in between the two of them just now because they do seemed to be intimately close to one another.
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