Thursday, 28 February 2013

Equation 36 : Dismissing Time

From then, time exchanged,
Each minutes, clocks keep on,
Ticking, a heart won’t ever,
Skipped a beat, though how
It always, ache thinking,
But keep on asking, wherefore
I, should even bother,
Somehow, I still do,
Remember, likely said,
How can I not, Recognize,
Words that once, were said,
Still could be, heard,
But where was it, why was it,
Still, frozen,
Not breathing even,
Everything that I’ve been,
Searching for, was
Not found, a touch that was,
So warm, a smile that won’t ever,
Shattered, it still portrays,
Even though eyes, dismissing periods,
Yet, we still never,
Never  met for another time,
Day changed to another,
Years passed decades,
It’s still here,
Love, it will never, ever,
Won’t ever, fades away,
Though skins crumpled, but
Your smile,
Won’t shade away,
Will never turned,
To a darkest day.


Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Equation 35 : I might.

I might say I love you,
But just telling myself,
Never to you.
I might say I want to be with you,
But how can I ever do,
When I can’t even see you.
I always say I want to spend,
My entire lifetime with you,
It was just a dream,
It won’t ever come true.
I might also say I don’t want to be
There right next to you,
But how can I lie, when everything
Is not true.


( I know all of us always say that we want to be with someone special in our heart, but how can you deny everything that was actually true, preventing yourself from believing that it is reality anyway? :) )

Equation 34 : History.

Dear love,
Why can’t I see
Or even hear your voice
Just once again, that was
Previously often heard, why
Couldn’t even find it, now
Again, should it be,
Won’t ever be, even just a little
Sigh wasn’t able be, 
Your shadows somehow fades,
Why would this be, won’t ever
Last even if, just time
Only a second, passed by,
Knowing, though how I
Realize, things that never were 
A wish, a dream that never portrays
Exist in our love intensity,
But memories won’t ever be,
Erase, but still how can,
I believe in, fate might be true,
Cruel even, how can I deny,
For our love to end,
In this history,
Date was never, forgotten,
It happened, just in,
This is our previous, love story.


Monday, 18 February 2013

Equation 33 : Shadow

As time goes by, Without noticing any
Revealing only, somehow was still
Unanswered, the question kept on asking
Wonder what might, things that were
Praise, though still hidden,
Thoughts of love, sacrifices
That still portrays, an innocence of thee,
The soul, an only love that can only be,
Seen or heard, though still can’t
See, not even one,
Shadows that keep on missing,
Fading away, without any reflection
Won’t ever be,
Able to find, understanding a heart,
You will never, ever be,
Near, with a desire,
A love for you, would still
Stand, but how can I,
Last without you being there,
Your shadow fades,
No questions answered,
Stumble upon, tears,
It would never,
 Desiccated, once again,
Wish still weren’t able ,
To execute, a destiny,
Left out,

Sho, Masaki. 


Equation 32 : Visible.

Memories are sometimes,
Though how can,
I, remember,
If the only second that came
Ever do cross my mind,
Was just the time, I last
See you there,
But when once I did
Sealed up sight, Nothing would
Ever come back,
Alive, somehow,
Still were searching,
For a path, only for this
Endless remedy, that was
Written there, unseen,
But still was, there
Not realizing, the visible conclusion
How faith, truth of life
Depended a day,
Would skip a minute, Still
Continues away, in a
Dim sight of light,
Would still find a way,
Though was still,
Missing a view,
Knowing, forever do,
Without light showing,
You are there,
Still, shimmering,
Through the radiant shades of,
My life.


You decide. :P

                Obsession? Sometimes it’s true that it can make your heart palpitates most of the time, your mind went a little crazy, most of the time, but that’s what you say, reality as well.
                On my case, an obsession with Sho Sakurai and Masaki Aiba, most of the time, people asked me, “Who do you really like?”, or even, “Who is the number one in your heart?”
                My brain would get a little confused wondering about it,
                Who do I really love?
                Who do I really care for?

But as I promise you, I want to settle everything right here, right now.
                Every time I think about Masaki Aiba, my heart started to get a little giddy, over joyly, excited, just like I can’t wait to be with him. Wow, what will happen if both of us went out for a movie? I’m sure that he would go crazy.
                Pretty sweet, but just crazy.
                You know how his head works right?
                But I really, really, really, love to see him smile. It’s like it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. His smile can change my feeling. His smile is just everything.
                ( please don’t mention about him being sexy okie? :P )
                I like that guy. ;)

                But every time I think of Sho, how I wish that he’s always be by my side, how I wish that he would never go away or disappear, ( though I know, sometimes fantasies can control almost everything in your life, but who cares anyway?)
                I just don’t want him not to be there. How I wish I can hold his hand, feeling his touch, him breathing down my neck, chilling down my spine, over come my fear, I know he can make me smile.
                Looking at him most of the time, always make me thought about too many things, but, how can I live not looking at him AT ALL for one day? Muahaha…
                I can’t live. :P

                It’s true that you obviously see that I can’t decide who do I really love the most, but with Masaki, I do enjoy ‘thinking’ about something apart of him being sweet, and delicious too… ( ahem3.. :P ) but with ‘him’, everything seemed to be perfect.
                Dreams might just be dreams, but… J
                I really love, Sakurai Sho.

* So now why don’t you tell me what you think? XP


Thursday, 14 February 2013

Equation 31 : Truth?

Soft wind, blew
Winter breeze,
Snow fallen down,
Somehow, melted in,
An only touch,

Why should it be, 
Fading away, without
Realizing a single matter,
A proper probation,
Fearless heart, still was,
Looking ahead, across a
Shady, yet just too quiet
Shelter, but how can I see
Noticing what was actually
Real to me, 
Forgiven mistake, hoping to be
Set free, but how may I seek
Asking just for an only
Sight, even if it was just
For a few, Second
Time was still moving,
Won’t ever be, back to it’s own
Actual decade, will shattered
But still there was a new day
Why it was the only way
Why can’t I witness the truth
The only solution there was
The only chemistry there will be
Standing there, an endless life
Concealed away,
Hidden behind,
An everlasting love,
It was you, I’ve been
Searching for,
My everlasting, 
Promises for,
The only one,


Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Equation 30 : Dreams?

Everything in the world
Sometimes it just seems
Easy to be living,
Why do it
Disappear in the shortest time
In a glimpse
Nothing can be notice
Or even bare to be living
What is it
Why even it was
Call a
What matters
Somehow it no longer
Even bother
To be achieve
It would vanish in only
Just a sight
What is it even
Again, should
It even be,
Ask why?
It was just a,


Monday, 11 February 2013


This year..
My age would be 24 years old.
Still not working...
Still didn't ever do anything in my life..
I wonder why all of this is like this anyway....? Haha..

2006 - Did finished my Secondary High School..
2007 - Was planning to continue my studies but... I got into an accident..
2008 - Something started to went wrong with my eye sight..
2009 - Didn't stop admitting to the hospital...
2010 - Was confirm with Multiple Sclerosis.
2011 - Was planning to continue my studies but didn't manage since everything gotten worse.
2012 - Started with Steroid injection / found a supplemental.
2013 - Felt already too old to be studying for a Diploma, decided to get some work. If it's possible.. :)

Just wrote this to recall back what i've forgotten. ;)
No biggie, seriously. :)
But I guess,
Life journey isn't easy for everybody isn't it??.. :)


Saturday, 9 February 2013

Equation 29 : Tears

Kept on falling,
Without any
Was written, somehow,
Couldn't, even be
Or even care, how
Things don’t really meant, but
The world turns, but still
Didn’t notice either,
Precision was, spoken through
Still believing that
Wrapping through difficulties
The error had, occurred,
Reality was not even,
Connecting, love was chained,
There’s no,
To any introduction
Only love, that was
Somehow it was still,
Hidden, there was no,
Images, that portrays,
This isn’t an equation,
The truth, reality, somehow
It would never,
Won’t say ever,


Tears won't ever,
Or dry,
*Sometimes, life won't understand the fate, that was leading it's way...

Friday, 8 February 2013

Equation 28 : Memories.

Though at time, reality
Veracity, observing the truth,
Previous moments, it somehow, 
Won’t sheds away, Would still 
Never fades, erase a second
Even if time, ticking away
Your eyes,
It would still portray
A memory, within remembrance
Tears won’t even, aid
Washing away,
Shattered dreams, that still didn’t
Turns to gray
Though you’re no longer, there
but Memories,
Won’t shatter, weaken
Sheds out, or even 


Thursday, 7 February 2013

4 Don'ts.

4. Don't be afraid to cry.
3. Don't be scared 2 try.
2. Don't stop if your heart says you can't.
1. Don't give up,n do accept review, and write better next time.


Equation 27 - Echo.

Echo sound heard,
Written there, somehow
Hidden apart, other than
Just, only the
Whispered words,
Perceiving a heart,
Tormenting soul, though 
Motionless, Preventing fear
Over loading, emotion
Howling, without reason for,
Mistaken by only,
Shadows were once,
There, but again
Never were, here
Though force facing,
Strength was lighten
Difficulty, avoiding fright
Deceiving tears, 
Still was, why would it be?
Hidden there,
With no answers,
Ignoring each second, continues
Forever decreasing, a day passed away
But the echo was still heard,
Holding close, craving inside
Don’t let go, fade out from,


Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Equation 26 : Reminiscences

The open wound
Once again
Even though
It was just 
That portrays, Emotion
Deepest, unfaithfully
Darkest, fear
The reality
Construct against
Kept on, Dueling,
Tormented a heart,
Unaligned, withered away
Sympathy, or even
A ruthless feeling
Colliding up, together
Without any end
Carry on forward
Won’t ever stop
Or ever prevent from
Shattered away
Just a mistake
Only a past memory
Won’t ever erase
Of an ancient,



I read the news paper today,
And somehow, it got me a little devastated..
They were telling everyone who's reading, how Arashi had made them wanted to learn Japanese.
Arashi gave them everything.

Not that I care about fans, but....
I guess,
It doesn't matter if I know them earlier back in the year 2000 or whatever,
I'm still just a standard, normal, regular fan.
Just like all of you.

But what matters anymore nee??
Arashi have a lot of fans now...
and I'm just one of them.