Monday, 24 March 2014

Equation 65 : Here.

Kept on asking alone,
Even if in the brightest light,
Fades away to the darkest hour,
Standing on my own,
Shivering here,
Who am I able to hold,
Who am I going to search for,
What else can I even do,
Apart from only,
Calling for you,
Though only just an illusion,
Your smile,
Your beautiful eyes,
Still able to keep me,
Holding me close,
Putting together,
Even though time changes,
Seconds fades,
Season exchanging weather,
My love for you,
Would still be,
Hold me close,
Don't ever go away.
Don't disappear.
( c ) Kytty Sakuraiba 2014

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Beast with a true Love : Chapter 14


            It was a frightful night. She was all alone in a quiet, grim night. She peddled her way up up Maruyama Lane, Shibuya, but somehow stopped outside the heavy oak door of a place she never been before. 
            She closed her eyes,
            Where am I?
            The deadly silence, the eerie surrounding frightened her dreadfully,
            She let out a dishearten sigh,
            Safe me...
            She whispered to herself, turning around, and leaned back against the cold brick wall, she felt her body jerked when her arm accidently ran against a sharp edge. She looked at the blood stain over the scar she just had.
            Oh gosh, how she was relieved when she realized that it was just her own imagination, her own nightmare; messing up her own intensity, she had a short sigh,
            “It was just my...”
            but before she could finish what she wanted to say, the wind blew gruesomely towards her.
            She squinted her eyes shut, preventing the dust to flow inside her eyesight, she felt something, or someone walked up to her, pushing her behind for a short time. She lost her breath for a few second.
            She opened her eyes wide,
            “What was that,” she looked around, towards both of her sides, searching if there was somebody close enough to give her a hand, but there was no sound of any living human, nor creature there,
            The world was still silent.
            Just silent.
            “I’m alone...” she groaned, but she hear what sounds like footsteps nearby her side. Her pulse picks up speed,
            She closed her eyes again, blocking everything that came across her head.
            It’s nothing, she told herself, gasping intensely for some air to breathe, she decided to open her eyes again,
            I’m just imagining things,
 She repeated that line over and over again for sometimes, gripping her fist tighter, trying to give herself courage open her eyes again,
            but then the old steel board nearby her creaked once,
            and again for the third time.
            Her heart shrunk and stopped beating for a moment as time passed by.
            She took a deep breath before deciding to open her eyes, biting her lower lips, but without any aware of, it started to bleeds.
            She felt the pain. Her pulse skips a beat when she knows that she was not on her own.
            She knew that she was all unaccompanied from the very beginning, she tried to give herself strength to be strong, and somehow, the only thing that was running through her mind was only,
            Fear of a man she wanted to see.
            also a little craved to be with.
            She was buried alive with her own fear.

            She eased onto her feet, straining to hear, but her heart pounded so loudly in her ears and she was not sure if she was breathing or gasping for air.
            She tried to kneel down, but accidently ran her arm on a sharp corner of a wooden plank, and it started to bleed again,
            continuously this time.

            Her eyes jerked to the gilded Oak doors when a gust of wind hurled them wide open.
            She was in a complete terror, as she fell down onto the ground, she heard the footsteps walking out from the building she was leaning against few moments ago.
            The footsteps are getting closer.
            Much closer.

            She felt that her heart started to pumped up, swiftly. Even if it was such a cold night, she felt her sweats lingered down her neck.
            She looked straight at the open door;
            she couldn't hold it back any longer, when her tears ran down her cheeks.
            She shut her eyes tight.

            The strong wind blew passed by her again, she still felt the blood from her previous scar still falling down, wiping it away.
            She tried to wipe the blood stain from her hand on her faded blue jeans, but suddenly,
            she felt a touch, gripping her hand away,
            What was that?
            She thought when her eyes was still sealed shut, she have to know what was going on,
            she took a deep breath in, as she opened her eyes a little.
            It was nothing, she said on her own.

            She let out a small sigh again, relieved that she was there on her own, "I'm safe," she mumble herself, but without any further notice, she felt someone was caressing her palm her palm that was stained with her blood,

            She looked what was there, but it seemed like it was in a distance sight, she saw a pair of frightening, solemn red eyes, looking straight into her eyes.
            She fell silent, she didn't even blink an eye, she felt her heart shrieked down. How her heart urged to move away, but she couldn't even move a muscle, her weight turned too heavy for ever to even scream.
            "It hurts," she whined, but did he even hear her? "Let me go!" she screamed again, but still no sound was heard
            The hand that was gripping her palm a moment ago, moved in a distance flash when it wrapped both of his arms behind her back,
            At that second, she felt that she couldn't even breathe anymore,
            "Please, I'm begging you," she cries, but was ignored,
            "Please let me go," she said again, pleading to be sympathize, but what was she even thinking about??

            She felt his breathing was heavy for a moment, as if like his lust has turned where about, he hold her closer in his arms,
            "Where are you going, my love?" he said, but her brain went totally blank on what should she even say to him, she touched his hand,
            But before she could even think, he...

            “NO!!!!” she shrieked unexpectedly, clenching her fist tighter, she opened her eyes wide, breathing uncontrollably, but with the sound of birds twitching outside her room, she looked towards her side, when she only saw her picture with her friends from college, she blinked her eyes for a few times, slowly inhaling some air, she let out a long sigh when she realized, it was just a,
            “Dream,” she said softly, closing her eyes for a few moment, she looked in front of her sight.
            How beautiful the moon was glowing that night, it was a pity when she had that kind of disturbance on such a dazzling sight.
            She pulled her blanket up, covering her face, while holding herself close to herself, “Who is he?” she wondered, thinking back those eyes that was looking at her just now, it seemed like she had seen it somewhere, but why was she not even sure?
            She felt thing moved on her side, she looked at her side.
            Miyuki smiled a little,
            “J,” she whispers, looking at his face for sometimes, rising up her palm, caressing his carefree soft cheek.
            She looked at the clock on her wall. It was only four fifteen in the morning. She recalled back what actually happen a while ago, and what made this guy sleeping next to her in his dark blue t-shirt hanging on the chair, he was actually sleeping with only his short pants on.

            “Take care, and don’t forget to clean yourself up before you go to bed. Then sure it would come and get you again,” Jun told her with a smile across his lips, but before he stepped out from her room, he felt her grabbing his damp palm.
            he turned around,
            “Huh?” when he felt her suddenly leaned down on his chest,
            “I don’t want to be alone, J,” she told him.


            She closed one side of her eyes.
            He didn’t let me go...
            This guy doesn’t actually look so bad. He got a sweet smile; those mole on his lips was one of the priceless asset he got on himself. His broad shoulder, my, which women would not go crazy over him.
            Strangely, he likes neither of them.
            But does that even matter to her anyway. She gently moved her finger on his soft lips, he licked it when he felt her touching it in his dreams perhaps, she had a small smile as her fingers slides lower down his shoulder,
            “Jun Matsuda,”
            she whispers his name, leaning closer to him, she felt he was breathing gently,
            “Thank you for being my friend,” she whispers to his ears, as she pressed her lips against his warm cheek, she changed his gesture a little.
            She looked at him, not so sure what he was thinking about, she nodded her head, pushing herself up from the bed, she covers him up with her blanket,
            “Have a sweet rest, dear,” she said, as she sat down at the edge of her bed, she stood up and walked towards her study table.

            “Maybe it’s a good time,” she said, lifting her shoulder up, she took her diary, and opens up at the last past she wrote a few days ago.


18th September 2012

Dear diary,
What the hell is happening with me!
I know that today is the day I’ve been waiting for. To stand together with a man I long to be with,

 Why am I feeling like this?
How I am wishing every time I close my eyes I would see his gorgeous refection, but sadly...

Who is he?
Who is this guy?
Why is he always there.
I don’t even know who the hell he is...
But he’s always there...
Oh God, and the play is actually tomorrow. I should be thinking about how nervous I am going to act on the stage with the most hottest man I've ever met in collage, Sunohara, and I’m worried more about this guy who can't stop coming in my dream,

And what else could I be thinking about when Matsuda was actually there, accompanying me tonight. Sleeping beside me...
 Half... naked?

No, that doesn’t sound right, since we are nott doing anything.

Urgh! Whatever Yuki, whattwenty four in the morning, ever. Stop thinking about this.
 Just go to sleep!


                It was around five twenty four in the morning, where the dark night slowly shades away before the daybreak sun light flows up the sky, the birds began to twitch around little by little, when the wind slowly breeze up the morning air.
                The sakura tree next to her bed room swags a little bit, when a shadow slowly walks towards her window, looking inside from the shades that was parted away,
                he touched the window, as if he was touching her, he looked at the two of them sleeping next to each other.
                Tough her his emotion for her crumples up when he saw them together, but he know, and was sure of it, she does not felt anything for the man beside her.
                “Miyuki,” he called out for her name, exhaling his breath towards her direction, she moves a little as she felt a gentle wind brushed against her skin.
                His brown eyes twinkled against the mirror, when he didn’t see even his own reflection there,
                “I’ll keep you safe, Yuki,” he said, slowly moving away from her window, he walked away when he disappear within second,
                “I’ll keep you safe,” he told himself as his shadow fades away.

                But from the other side, there was another man, with his eyes flared up, he licked his lips, and took a deep breath,
                “I’ll make you mine, Yuki. I will make you never forget me, and make you want me more than anyone alive in this world.I’m sure of that,” he said, he smirked on his own and disappear in thin air.

( c ) Kytty Sakuraiba 2014

Sunday, 9 March 2014

Beast with a true Love : Chapter 13


            “Akiyama!”  her voice was too high and was trapped in her lust and desire. How can she even deny what was doing on inside her head was a lie any longer? How much she feared with the existence of the man she don’t even know who, but her heart wants him more each time she tries to run away from him.
            She tries to open her eyes, but how could she?

            It was a quiet night. How beautiful the world was at that time, at it’s peaceful sight, there’s no more human walking around and making sound at that hour, but he slowly made his way through the gate he was passing by.
            His footsteps were heard, but who was there to bother?
            It seemed like the weather outside was unbearably cold, but he still felt sweats slowly dripped down from behind his back. He ran his finger through his hair,
            “What am I doing here?” he questioned himself.
            As if he was the creature of the night, he wanted to know what was going on. Not to the world, but he let out a short sigh when he turned his gaze towards the two storey house on his left.
            He closed his eyes for a few second, feeling how his heart was palpitating, he wanted to know what was going on inside that place. Was she still up and awake? Or perhaps always sleep through the beauty of the night.
            He looked at the grazing moon that was glowing bright on the sky there. Sadly, he was on his own. The star light didn’t seemed to appear anywhere, how he felt it’s sorrow because he was there alone himself.
            Accidently, he stepped on a fallen twig on the ground, he looked around.
            “Damn it,” he said alone.
            He surely doesn’t want anyone to know that he was there, he looked up at the room that has the small light turned on, of course it was her, who else would be living there, apart from her.
            He turned around and decided to go, but suddenly, without any warn given, he heard her screamed in terror,
            “NO! LET ME GO!”
            He heard her voice,
            the only sound he heard of her shrieking, he made his way up through the tree both of them always climb together.
            he heard her screamed again.
            He felt his heart began to race, when the sound of her voice beamed through the opened window from her room. He ran towards the Sakura tree next to her bedroom window at the second level. He pushed himself up on tree where both of them frequently use to quietly meet each other since the past years even before anything happened to her family,
            He heard her shrieked frightfully,
            “Yuki,” he said, pushing himself to get there as soon as he possibly can, the wind gust rapidly towards his direction. He gripped his fist tighter at the branch in front of his face,
            I’m almost there, I’m almost there….
            he repeated the same thing over and over again; looking at where he was standing, any incident might possibly happened if the wind had its rampage moment again.
            He closed his eyes, It’s for her…he told himself as he grabbed at the end of the roof, and made his first steps right in front of her bed room balcony. He rushed towards the door but, Damn it! He cursed on his own when it was locked. He let out a sigh, wondering what actually is happening to her, he twisted the door knob for a few times, even tried to break the door opened, he struggled with all his might for it to break, but it was just a useless anticipating try.
            He turned around, rest his back against the thick oak door, and slowly slide down in disappointment that he didn’t manage to save his friend even though he was just a distance away from him. |           Why does it have to be like this, he shrugged alone, when suddenly, the wind blew again, he noticed something he didn’t even expected.
            The curtains from her room flew a little outside, flipping from side by side, he felt his heart stopped,
            “The window!” he said, when he stood up as swiftly as he possibly can and ran towards the window that was opened, the light of the glimmering moon shines when he moved the curtains to the side to get inside, he saw her struggling with her own nightmare.
            Yuki, he called for her name, and felt his sweats dropped in the cold night, oh how he was worried about her, he climbed up the window and ran towards her,
            “AKIYA,” she was about to scream again when he leaned down to protect her from anything that was disturbing her in her dream, she gripped the side of the bed sheet, she screamed once again,
            “NO!!!” when Matsuda leaned down and held her close,
            “No, Yuki. Don’t be afraid, I’m here. I’m here for you,” he whispered to her, caressing her soft gently, he hold her hand that was trying to push something away from her fantasy, he looked at her,
            “Wake up, Yuki,” he said to her, shaking her shoulder a little, he sat down up and looked away for a while, when he heard her taking a deep breath, she suddenly pulled him close in her arms.
            Jun opened his eyes wide as he felt her strong arms holding him close.
            he felt a damp spot on his chest, he looked at her,
            “Jun,” she called for his name.
            He caresses her messed up hair.
            “I’m scared, J” she whimpers. He felt her arms releasing him slowly.
            “I see him again,” she told him.
            The vision of the man that she saw still haunts her even though she was awake, she was still afraid if he…

            “I’ll be watching you,” he said,

            She closed her eyes. She didn’t really see his face, but she would still remember the flame that flare in his eyes, how rapid his heart was being against her cold skin, his breath somehow made it worse with the complexion, how she wishes that he would disappear, but even if it seemed like he’s no longer there, but she knows, he’s everywhere, she reminded herself.
            Matsuda took a deep breath before he could even think of what he should be doing or even say to her.  He held her closer in his arms as closed his eyes for some time, he caress her back gently,
            “It’s okay, Yuki, I’m here with you now,” he said, to make sure that she knows that she was safe with him there, beside her.
            He felt her heart beat decreased little by little, I just hope that you’re okay, girl, he wishes, “He isn’t here anymore. I’m with you now,” he told her, he caress her hair and slid it behind her ear, he looked at her eyes, as he wiped away the tears that was still falling down.
            He smiled to her, she looked at him, still wasn’t sure what she was thinking, she bit the end of her lips and looked away,
            “I’m really sorry for troubling you, J,” she said, when he gave her a little grin,
            “Does it even matter?” he asked her.
            She only shakes her head,
            “No…” she answered him, but didn’t really open her mouth to speak, he messed up her hair again, she looked at him with a frowned face,
            “What are you doing that for?!” she said, strictly unsatisfied with what he just did to her, he just shakes his head, he felt her pinching his cheek,
            “Oww,” he grumbles a little, but somehow was smiling in his heart that she has forgotten what has happened to her.
            This is her. Even though how hard her life leads the way, she was still tries to stands up and move forwards. She isn’t afraid for anything she will face. Even if she cries, how long will her tears last?
            He smiled to her,
            “You ugly creature,” he said.
            “You’re the ugliest,” she replied, sticking her tongue out, trying to covers up her own sorrow, he nodded his head.
            “Yeah,” he replied her.
            He took a deep breath, when he felt his heart started to palpitates worse than it was before.
            He looked at her,
            “Yuki, I think I should go now,” he said, standing up from her bed, he walked towards the window that he came inside from just now, but Miyuki fell silent for a moment.
            Jun had a small laugh,
            “It won’t be polite if I stay here too long you know,” he told her. She still tries not to looked at him directly into his soft brown eyes, she took a short breath to relief herself, to unsure herself that she was okay, even though deep down inside, she was still afraid to be left on her own.
            She heard his footsteps moving away to the side of her room,
            Why am I feeling like this?
            she asked herself, but she heard his footsteps stopped for a while,
            “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he told her,
            she nodded her head, but wasn’t even sure if she would accept her own answer,
            “Take care, and don’t forget to clean yourself up before you go to bed. Then sure it would come and get you again,” Jun told her with a smile across his lips, but before he stepped out from her room, he felt her grabbing his damp palm.
            he turned around,
            “Huh?” when he felt her suddenly leaned down on his chest,
            “I don’t want to be alone, J,” she told him.
            He looked at her,
            What should I do…
He turned back to her, she only looked at him innocently. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes when he felt both of her arms wrapped around his waist. He touched her cold hand,
            “Yuki,” he whispers as he turned around, looking at her,
            “Please,” pleading him to stay there with her, he felt that she was still shivering from whatever that happened a moment ago, he caresses her hair gently,
            “Okay…” he said, but his voice barely even came out, she pulled him back inside, she closed the balcony door,
            Matsuda inhales a deep breath,
            I’ll be with you, Yuki… I really do…
            love you…

( c ) Kytty Sakuraiba 2014

Friday, 7 March 2014

Equation 64 : Stay.

Each minute passed away,
Not seeing, until it was,
Each second, still missing 
Words once was, said,
Did not hear, maybe because
Your shadow, didn’t shade any longer,
Again, in a cold gray
A smile is not flushed like it was,
Do not go away, Don’t forget to say,
Memories would never decay,
Don't go away,
Just stay.
( c ) Kytty Sakuraiba 2014

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Equation 63 : Dear Love.

Dear love,
Why am I still here,
When I saw you,
You standing there,
I am here,
Only left on my own.

Dear love,
Why do I wonder,
Still wondering why,
Perplexed confusion,
My heart was questioning,
Asking why,
And again why.

Dear love,
Why am I still here,
When you know how I,
Lie to myself,
Lying to you,
I know you know it’s true,
You know I love him,
but I still do.

Dear love,
Why am I still hiding,
Hiding my desire to,
Concealing a temptation to have you
Behind his smile,
I still want you,
You know that,
How much I am needing you.

Dear love,
Why would this still be,
Be a question to me,
When all I need is just,
Just an answer from,
Tell me how much you want me too,
Is it as much as I want you.

( c ) Kytty Sakuraiba 2014

Monday, 3 March 2014

Equation 62 : Remembrance

Today, wishing there was again
Yesterday, it was still
Here, though there’s no more
Testimony, of time
How do I ever,
Recalling back, the fairest
Most beautiful, memories
How I shiver, each time I
Looking into your eyes,
How a heart trembles,
Holding together,
Though you’re no longer here,
I would still see,
See the reflection of your eyes,
The  reminiscence of your smile
Only it was a memory,
Remembrance time, I open my eyes
Only if it’s only a reality,
Or just a fantasy,
Your existence, an intimacy,
Won’t be shattered,
Leaving an empty corner,
You are still there,
Always near.

( c ) Kytty Sakuraiba 2014